I maintained my weight this week, disappointed as I really hoped I had turned a corner. Losing weight feels like the only thing I have control of at the moment, when things don't happen how you expect it is just another blow to my self esteem. 'I can't even lose weight properly' is constantly going round in my head. I feel like a failure, I wonder how life ended up like this - I had such big plans for this year, and I have achieved nothing, its all a mess.
I am in a dark place emotionally, I am trying to keep my head above the water, but my legs are thrashing in the seaweed that is trying to pull me down.
Sorry for my depressing rant, I promise not to keep doing it, I will snap out of it and prove that even when things are beyond bad you can still lose weight.
What is the best possible revenge?
To be successful.
Watch this space...
Sunday, 29 May 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Weigh Day Results 19 May 2011
I am going to be brief with this entry, I wanted to let you know the results but things are a bit rubbish at home right now (my relationship has broken down and we are trying to work out how to live together while we wait to sell the house). I am not sure how much I will be able to write for a while. Saying that I guess a distraction might be a good thing.
I had a surprising 4lb loss this week, to be honest I barely ate on Wednesday and Thursday, I was really anxious and upset and just couldn't face food. Undoubtedly that made a difference, but at the same time I don't think I went over my syns either. I was slimmer of the week, got my 1 1/2 stone award and my club 10; I am of course delighted but unfortunately with everything else that is going on, it has taken the shine off a bit.
Have managed to eat and stick to the diet the last few days as we have been talking more and trying to make things as painless as possible, when people put their relationship status as 'it's complicated' I know what they mean now.
I am determined to stick with Slimming World no matter how bad things get at home, being fat certainly didn't help our relationship and if I hadn't lost weight I think I would feel even worse now, as I wouldn't have had the energy to keep going.
I had a surprising 4lb loss this week, to be honest I barely ate on Wednesday and Thursday, I was really anxious and upset and just couldn't face food. Undoubtedly that made a difference, but at the same time I don't think I went over my syns either. I was slimmer of the week, got my 1 1/2 stone award and my club 10; I am of course delighted but unfortunately with everything else that is going on, it has taken the shine off a bit.
Have managed to eat and stick to the diet the last few days as we have been talking more and trying to make things as painless as possible, when people put their relationship status as 'it's complicated' I know what they mean now.
I am determined to stick with Slimming World no matter how bad things get at home, being fat certainly didn't help our relationship and if I hadn't lost weight I think I would feel even worse now, as I wouldn't have had the energy to keep going.
Friday, 13 May 2011
Weigh Day Results 12 May 2011
I am really disappointed, only 1/2lb loss this week, I really thought I had done better, I had been imagining at least a repeat of last week, if not better. I have to admit I stopped writing things down at the end of the week which is always risky but I didn't go over my syns - honest.
I have a wedding to attend in 7 weeks and I want to loose 8lbs, it is one of those events that to be honest I am dreading, I am not big on parties of any kind but this one is for a couple I don't know all that well, the groom is the other half's best friend from childhood, I don't know him that well . Unfortunately the bride, who again I don't know that well, is actually friends with some girls I used to go to school with. For me there is nothing worse than seeing people from my past, people who I know well enough that I should have a conversation with them, but was never actually friends with so I have no idea what to say to them.
It is the bane of my life but I am just not a social creature, I have tried everything to overcome my crippling fear of social situations. I just can't do small talk - I feel so self concious I am either convinced that I am boring people with whatever I am saying - I mean why would anything I say be of interest to them; or even worse is when they actually act interested and they are looking at me, keeping their eyes on me, I feel like a bug under a microscope ready for dissection - it's terrifying.
If I can loose some more weight I know it will give my confidence a boost and maybe I will make it through the event without resorting to starting smoking again or getting very pissed.
I have a wedding to attend in 7 weeks and I want to loose 8lbs, it is one of those events that to be honest I am dreading, I am not big on parties of any kind but this one is for a couple I don't know all that well, the groom is the other half's best friend from childhood, I don't know him that well . Unfortunately the bride, who again I don't know that well, is actually friends with some girls I used to go to school with. For me there is nothing worse than seeing people from my past, people who I know well enough that I should have a conversation with them, but was never actually friends with so I have no idea what to say to them.
It is the bane of my life but I am just not a social creature, I have tried everything to overcome my crippling fear of social situations. I just can't do small talk - I feel so self concious I am either convinced that I am boring people with whatever I am saying - I mean why would anything I say be of interest to them; or even worse is when they actually act interested and they are looking at me, keeping their eyes on me, I feel like a bug under a microscope ready for dissection - it's terrifying.
If I can loose some more weight I know it will give my confidence a boost and maybe I will make it through the event without resorting to starting smoking again or getting very pissed.
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