Fallen off the wagon again

I am hoping that through admitting how bad I have been this week I might just get it back under control I have been a bit rubbish all week with the odd syn here or there slipping in - then there was the weekend ooops takeaway Indian Friday night, booze and cheesy chips last night. Then today a bag and a half of maltesers half a bag of kettle chips (a big bag that is) then pizza and more cheesy chips to follow - I dread to think whAt the scales will say! So stupid that I keep doing this but you know what I am calling it my final blow out now I promise that I am going to get back on the road to target I want to be a size 12 by the beginning of may so no more flitting between good and bad weeks for me I must be more consistent - wish me luck !

3 stone award - finally!

I have been off the blogosphere for some time now but thought as seen as I had some good news for a change I would share it. Tonight I lost 4.5 lb and got my 3 stone award one stone one pound to go to my target weight (11 st 10lb) it seems a miracle that I have only that amount to go. in my head I think I am still the fat girl I was when I started I know I feel better and look better but there is some part of me that will always hear the negative comments and believe them - the world is a cruel place, full of selfish and nasty people who make themselves feel better by being mean to other people, what they say - how they look at you, or often, through you stays with you long after they forgot you existed! For me losing weight is just the start ! rebuilding me on the inside will take much longer - but with the weight loss comes strength and I know I will defeat my demons one day !

Oops it has been a while apologies! Last week was my first week back on track it went ok i lost 1.5lb.

I have been hitting the gym big style recently which I am seriously loving, I get a real buzz after a really good workout this year I am determined to get fit as well as thin, I want to see how I look when I have muscle tone. I have never been into sport even a school I would think of any excuse to avoid P.E, when I was at target before I did exercise but I was really just playing at it. After last years injury I want to be able to do anything that comes my way climb snowdon tomorrow definitely ! Run a marathon next month count me in ! I don't want to be held back by my body anymore, it's been a hard journey getting my ankle back to nearly normal.

But the lesson I learnt was just how hard it is to be immobile to rely on other people, you see those morbidly obese people on tv and I know that one day that could have been me people who have never had a weight problem always say how could that get that fat but when you have gradually gained weight over a number of years you know how easy it is to get fat!

I am still aiming for target by April initially I want a stone off by the 14 feb I have 12.5lb to go so going to have to be good - stop eating costa panini's (yes I am useless and have no willpower today but it's on the food diary 21 syns for anyone who is interested) seriously doubt it was worth it but lessons are learnt from mistakes!